It has come to my (the "big Kahuna's) attention that at recent gatherings of the faithful (and not so faithful), a great deal of time is wasted in restating the names of games, the necessary provincial rules, when they apply and any other pertinent information. Requests to restate and re-clarify have increased tension and dissension among those members who are paying attention. Due to the increased confusion, discussion and ridicule surrounding the proclamation of TNC card games, the lack of attention by some members, the incessant storytelling and recanting of recent exploits by still others and the incontrovertible fact that some members are losing their hearing, the following TNC test is to be administered to all Charter Members, Associate members and friends in good standing, if any can be found.

Since the majority of the games that are played are "old favorites" (Diaper not withstanding) and the rules have remained constant, it is not necessary to waste time (and eventually winnings) with all of this tom- foolery. You either know the rules or you don't. Those members failing this exam will be required to ante twice the required amount until such time as remedial study and practice allow the member to pass a second, more difficult exam.

Anyone caught cheating will be made immediately to stand up, thus invoking the time honored tradition enjoyed by TNCers for years at the expense of the unsuspecting, "While your up..."

Remember, It' not the size of the can or what's even in the can or how many cans you have, it's the fact that you can remember the rules you idiot! Unfortunately, in a few years, none of us will be able to pass the test as incoherence becomes a way of life. So, let us make one last, gallant attempt to rise above the situation at hand and mentally prepare yourself to take the test. (or in the words of Uncle Milty, "let me get another beer".)

1: Which of the following games are played "Hi/Low"?

A) Cincinnati Whiz Bang Pete.

B) Shoot Yourself in the Foot.

C) Night Baseball

D) None of the above

E) Some of the above

F) How should I know, I am only an associate member.

2: In America's Favorite Game what happens when a pair is made?

A) The Queens are wild.

B) The Dealer is wild

C) The next card up is automatically wild

D) None of the above

E) Some of the above

F) How should I know, it's not MY favorite game.

3: During the game Wheel of Fortune, how many UP cards do you have?

A) 4

B) 3

C) None

D) All of them

E) lt varies

F) How should I know, I always fold.

4: During Christopher Columbus, what magic numbers (cards) make up the potential low winning hand?

A) The Ace and Nine of Clubs

B) The three remaining Aces

C) The Two and Four of Clubs

D) None of the above

E) Some of the above

F) How should I know, I still don't understand the Nina, Pinta and Sang -da- Maria.

5: When Pete deals Bridge Over The Great Divide, what are the most important cards?

A) The ones on the table

B) The ones in your hand

C) The ones Bob folded with

D) None of the above

E) The Deuces

F) How should I know, I still don't why we stand up!

6: During Cecil B. DePoole, if you choose not to take one of the two "UP" cards, what are your options?

A) Know when to fold em

B) Pay for another card from the deck

C) Use the Steve Bell ploy and reluctantly take a card from the deck for 2 cents.

D) None of the above

E) All of the above

F) How should I know, Barry always takes the card I need anyway. (out of spite)

7: In Mississippi, Kent will always fold unless he has ...

A) A flush or better

B) A full boat or better

C) A straight or better

D) None of the above

E) One of the above

F) How should I know, Kent who? He's only there part time anyway!

8: When things are going bad for Bob, as usual, you can count on him calling what game?

A) Bell's Madness

B) America's Favorite Game

C) Wheel of Fortune

D) A Man's Game

E) Any of the above

F) How should I know, or care, he's going to lose anyway

9: What game is no longer allowed by constitutional amendment?

A) Acey-Duecy

B) 357 Magnum

C) Criss Cross

D) None of the above

E) Some of the above

F) How should I know, I don't have a copy of the constitution anyway.